I have been meaning to make this post for a couple of months now but I just haven’t gotten around to it. My cousin and I started using the hashtag #FindCaitADate as a joke, because I’m the joke of the family and why not fully embrace it? Am I right? Ha Other than the fact that’s it’s cute and rhymes here’s how that tag originated…
From the moment, my plane landed up until the first time I went out, my cousins have been deadest on finding me a man. And to truly get a grasp on how involved they got… they had family and close family friends going through lists of different guys, there were multiple threats of starting a farmer’s only account, and they even threatened to invite multiple guys to the house. Have I ever mentioned I don’t do well in forced situations? Because…I don’t.
After an entire year of purposely staying out of the dating pool, I’ve jumped back in. It’s funny that I’m posting this today finally, because just the other day my mom had asked if I was dating and I texted her back “No?” I’m still holding on to that incident from the third grade…sorry mom… Anyways if it does get serious, she will be the first to know. Imagine that.
Checklists are something that tend to change over time, especially when you finally wake up and let go of that Prince Charming image…or would that be Prince Philip…? (Sleeping Beauty wakes up from her true love’s kiss from Prince Philip. Come on people!) I think this a pretty solid list.
One of the main reasons I wanted to make this list is because so many people have asked me what I’m looking for. Every time I raised my eyebrows, shrugged my shoulders and told them I didn’t know. I generally get along with most people and it never occurred to me that I needed to have a list. I guess I’m usually so easygoing and am more concerned that others are happy and forget to check in with myself and my needs.
Here’s my list of the top twelve things that I want and need in a man…
1. Funny –
I need humor in my life constantly. I want the ultimate rom com.
He must be playful and there will need to be a back and forth witty banter. I don’t want to be the only one that makes jokes to lighten the mood.
2. Smart –
He needs to be able to hold a conversation. However, he shouldn’t just be rambling on, especially about himself. He should also be asking me questions and getting to know me too.
We should both be able to talk to each other about anything whether it’s serious and important, or funny, or weird, or intellectual. Anything.
He must know how to listen and pay attention.
It’s totally cool if he’s a nerd because I’m into it. I dig it.
3. Honest –
He must tell me the truth. Better yet, he should want to tell me the truth and proceeds to do so. I’d much rather know the hard truths than live in a web of lies, even if I won’t always like it.
4. In charge –
Let’s be clear on this one, he will never be in charge, of me.
He must be able to form his own opinions and make his own decisions but not be so independent that he doesn’t involve me in the process.
He should have confidence without being too cocky about it.
He shouldn’t waste my time with any mind games. He shouldn’t try to make me jealous, and he certainly shouldn’t have to ever make the decision of being with me or another woman. If that’s the case, he should choose her because I’m already out the door and down the road never to be seen or heard from again. Sayonara bitch! I just don’t have that kind of time on my hands.
It should be more than obvious that he likes me and cares about me and he should never stoop to the low levels of attempting to hurt me in the process of trying to find out if I like him.
5. Delivery Driver –
He doesn’t have to wear a uniform or have a CDL. He does however have to deliver what he preaches. Follow through. If he ever ‘mentions’ anything to me, lord help him if he doesn’t act on it because I will remember every, single, thing, he ever mentions. He should make it happen or not bring it up. End of story.
6. Date me –
I mean he should really date me. And if he’s serious about me, he shouldn’t ever stop dating me.
He shouldn’t ever treat the relationship like he’s won and is settling in.
I am not a bird that is meant to be caged. I want activity dates. I want casual dates. I want romantic dates. There are hundreds of dates that don’t even cost any money at all. I want creative dates. I don’t want to spend my life in consistency. I want new, fun, adventure…
7. Understanding –
I will push his buttons, I will test his patience and his temper, I will raise his blood pressure and I will probably push him away. I have anxiety and tend to overthink literally everything.
I am not perfect but I try so hard to be. Sometimes it’s all too much for me.
Sometimes he will just have to roll with the punches and sometimes he’ll have to call me out on things, but he needs to try to understand where my frustration comes from and be willing to work through it.
8. Patient –
Definitely this. I cannot stress this enough. Sometimes I just need time to myself to gather my thoughts.
I do not like to be pressured into decisions or situations.
I will also need my time to do my hair and makeup… Um your welcome? Ha
(Just kidding, it’s for me.)
It is very difficult for me to express feelings and to have discussions about them.
I have been solo and independent for quite some time so it can be strange and hard for me to just allow a man to take care of me.
9. Equality –
I am not a maid. I am not a personal chef. I am not a personal driver.
If we’re going to do the relationship thing, then we’re in this together.
“Teamwork makes the dream work.” – Words from Peach
10. Openminded –
We are not going to have all the same interests, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t share them with each other.
He should be open to not only sharing with me his interests, but also trying new things.
11. No Settling –
I’ve noticed over time that after a certain point into the courting process, some people tend to get too comfortable and they stop doing all the things that they did to impress their partner. Mhmm. That will not fly with me.
I will not be impressed if he takes on all of the gentlemanly responsibilities in the beginning. He should never stop taking them on. He should never stop taking care of me and looking out for me if he’s serious about me. I know damn well that I can take of myself, but that doesn’t mean he can’t open doors for me, etc.
Again, it is strange and difficult for me to allow a man to take care of me, and I don’t necessarily need him to, but that doesn’t mean that he should not be a gentleman most of the time.
12. Respect –
I should never have to guess whether he likes me. I should never have to worry about where he is or what he’s doing or who he’s out with. I should not ever feel guilty about asking him to do something for me. I should never have to second guess myself because he isn’t thrilled by my choice of movie or restaurant or activity date when I’m picking.
I know that I am difficult, and quite stubborn at times, a handful, slightly sassy, and absolutely a piece of work. I’m not denying it. I already know all of that. I also know that life is not a fairytale, but I better be treated like a damn queen.
Above I’ve listed the twelve aspects of a relationship that is made for long-term. For as long as he acts on all twelve, I will do the same. Well, except for being a gentleman…because I’m a lady, so that’s weird…and I’m not really going to open the door for him that often…but I’ll pick up the tab…you know when we’re at Target. Haha I’m joking. I will do my best to abide by all twelve. But really, he should get the door.